This isn't an interview — it's a notification. The suit's already on. Fifteen years of middle-management experience, all of it spent under the table where the treats fall, plus strategic napping and belly-rub negotiations in which he has never accepted the first offer.
He attends meetings, sleeps through them, then takes credit for the outcomes. His greatest achievement: delegating his entire workload to a human he supervises from the couch. He does not do Mondays, mornings, or "quick syncs." Compensation: treats, in full, in advance, with a belly-rub bonus structure.
References are available upon receipt of bacon — the real stuff. He can tell.