My Bedtime Is 7 PM. I'm Not Old, I'm Efficient.

My bedtime is 7 PM. I'm not old, I'm efficient — I've simply eliminated the least productive hours of the day, which are all of them after dinner. The news is depressing, social media is an argument, and your brain replays embarrassing moments from 2014. The owl has reviewed the evening's offerings and declined all of them.

He doesn't have FOMO. He has JOMO — the joy of missing out — and every hour of sleep before midnight counts double. That's just science. Probably. Don't check.

Mock the 7 PM bedtime all you want. He'll be asleep. He won't hear you. That's the whole point.