Bathrobe On. Patience Off. Respect the Robe.

Bathrobe: on. Patience: off. This is his house and you just pay the mortgage — an arrangement he finds hilarious. He contributes presence, judgment, and the occasional dramatic sigh, and considers that more than fair. The robe is terrycloth. The authority is absolute.

The robe means off duty. No walks — the robe is not walk attire. No tricks — the robe commands dignity. No visitors before noon. These aren't requests; they're the terms of coexistence.

Mortgage: yours. Acknowledged, appreciated, irrelevant. Your name's on the deed. His butt is on every good chair, and only that kind of ownership is enforced. Respect the robe. Fear the sigh. The mortgage is due on the first; the belly rubs are due now.