I Don't Do Mornings. I Do Coffee and Quiet Plotting.

I don't do mornings. Mornings are a rumor started by well-rested people, and I don't trust them. What I do is coffee — industrial quantities, clutched like a life preserver. The mug is oversized because regular mugs are for people with regular problems. This is not a beverage. It's a medical intervention with a handle.

Once the coffee's secured, phase two: quiet plotting. The target is whoever scheduled the morning — the 7 AM meeting organizer, the neighbor with the leaf blower, the sun itself for showing up uninvited at such an hour.

Rule for visitors: approach with caffeine, or don't approach at all. Black, large, no small talk. Mornings are temporary. The plotting is forever.